I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She's the barista slut.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
