you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
