I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
