Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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