what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
