sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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