I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
