Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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