If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
