Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
