ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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