i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Vodka?
Forever.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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