If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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