and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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