Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
