I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
