I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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