i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
