dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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