What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
