you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize