A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
