dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
