Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Pooping to opera.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
