Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
