Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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