She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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