were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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