You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
