I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
