sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
