please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
