i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
