I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
