every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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