There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
