maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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