I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
