Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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