dude i'm inner monologue high
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
