So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
