I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
