I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
