he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
