New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
