I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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