I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize