I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
