I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
