he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
