For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
