I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize