i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
