i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
