Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
