It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
