I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
