I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
