I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
