i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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