His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
