just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
