my phone needs a breathalizer
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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