So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
