I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
