i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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