That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
