he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
