We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
