After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
