we're chasing vodka with high fives
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize