thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
