so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
