i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
