As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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