so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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