I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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