I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
