do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's just like the Real World with babies
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
