What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You pole danced in your parka.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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