Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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