I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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