I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
