More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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