Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
