Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
