it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
