No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
