he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
