you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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