Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
