Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
