I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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