Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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