I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
