I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Everyone says I win the strip club
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
