Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
