I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
