we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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