My hand turned me down
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
