my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
