I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
