do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
