i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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