she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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