I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
