So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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