Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize