I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
