would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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